I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
