i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
