can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
