tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
