Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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