i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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