I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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