then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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