Don't make out with my wife yet
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
