Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
