Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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