great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
