Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
