I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
