May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize