You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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