the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
