dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
