Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
