They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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