Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
