So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
