dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
