Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
sex in a hospital.. check
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
