I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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