I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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