dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
