Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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