i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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