There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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