So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
