I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
