NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Terrible idea I love it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
