i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
