Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
