In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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