Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
