i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
