i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
