woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
