Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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