You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
