he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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