We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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