I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
