i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
