I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
