I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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