I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
