And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
