I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
