yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You made out with two different species that night
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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