I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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