yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
