I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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