About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
