I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i've created a new STD.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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