im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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