Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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