Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
