If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
