She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
