tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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