He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
