Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
