I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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