How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
