Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
from now on my penis is your penis
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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